Samantha Bee on supreme court: ‘It will be easier to find a Blockbuster than abortion clinics’ | Late-night TV roundup

Samantha Bee

For her 200th episode of Full Frontal, Samantha Bee returned to a familiar topic: threats to reproductive healthcare in the US, particularly as the supreme court hears the case of Dobbs v Jackson Women’s Health Organization, which could strike down a woman’s right to an abortion.

“Fuck this, fuck this so hard,” Bee said of the case, which concerns Mississippi’s ban on abortion after 15 weeks, well before the viability standard of about 24 weeks, and began oral arguments last week. “This ruling could effectively overturn Roe v Wade and revoke a right that has been fundamental and established for women in this country for decades.”

“What makes this worse is that if Justice Amy Coney Barrett had her way, women would essentially become human incubators,” she continued, quoting the conservative Trump appointee: “Forced motherhood would hinder women’s access to the workplace, and to equal opportunities, [arguments] also focused on the consequences of parenting and the obligations of motherhood that flow from pregnancy – why don’t the safe haven laws take care of that problem?”

“It doesn’t seem to me to follow that pregnancy and then parenthood are all part of the same burden,” Coney Barrett said.

“So by that logic, if you die of complications from an unwanted pregnancy, it’s just because you were too lazy to live,” Bee translated.

The court’s consideration of the case with a six-three conservative majority has called its legitimacy into question. “A majority of Americans believe the court’s decisions are based more on the justices’ political leanings than the constitution and law,” Bee explained. “Probably because the Justice is Blind statue outside the court now reads ‘She’s blind because she masturbated too much and made God angry.’”

“Unfortunately, like the trauma from walking in on your grandparents having sex, Scotus appointments are for life,” Bee concluded. “We could be dealing with the consequences of their decisions for decades, especially when it comes to reproductive rights. For some people, it will be easier to find a Blockbuster than it will be to find a clinic.”

Stephen Colbert

On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert observed a major loss for Fox News: the 50ft Christmas tree outside its Manhattan studios, which burned to the ground Tuesday evening. “Of course, this would never have happened if the tree had a gun,” he joked. “Fox News tried to warn us this was coming – every time a store clerk says ‘happy holidays,’ a Christmas tree bursts into flames.”

Police have said the arson suspect, arrested Wednesday, is reportedly homeless and that mental illness was a factor. “Homeless and mentally ill? Oh my god, the fire was set by Bill O’Reilly!” Colbert quipped.

“The fire was particularly upsetting for the friends at Fox because the evergreen tree is of course a symbol of the eternal life given by Christ,” Colbert continued. Or as Fox and Friends cohost Ainsley Earhardt put it, “a tree that unites us, that brings us together, it’s about the Christmas spirit, it’s about the holiday season, it’s about Jesus, it’s about Hanukah.”

“Ainsley, you’re a gift from Jesus,” said Colbert. “But I’m gonna go out on a burning limb and say this is not about Hanukah.”

“But on the other hand, maybe it is about Hanukah,” he added, “because I have a feeling Fox will miraculously make this story last for eight days.”

Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel also mocked the burning of the Fox News Christmas tree on Wednesday evening. “The fire is believed to have started after Fox News’s pants caught on fire,” he joked.

“Even though lighting trees on fire is very much in line with Fox’s position on climate change, the hosts of their morning show were very upset today,” he added.

According to Earhardt: “We’re going rebuild it and we’re going to build it back better.”

“We’re going to build it back better? Where have I heard that before …” said Kimmel. “This war on Christmas, I don’t know who’s on what side anymore.”

Seth Meyers

And on Late Night, Seth Meyers checked in on a plan by some fringe Republicans to make Donald Trump the Speaker of the House in 2022 – technically possible, as the speaker does not need to be a representative from Congress.

Asked if he would want Trump to be speaker and if had talked him about it, Florida representative Matt Gaetz answered “I would,” and “I have.”

“That might seem like a short answer, but it’s probably how much he talked when he brought the idea up with Trump before Trump cut him off,” Meyers said.

“These people’s depravity truly knows no bounds,” he added of Gaetz and fellow conspiracist colleagues Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert. “Trump let a deadly pandemic ravage the country, leading to mass suffering. He stoked a violent coup to overturn an election and he came into contact with more than 500 people after testing positive for Covid and hiding it. And yet his sycophants in the Trump cult are still willing to do anything to get him back into power.”

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